My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.   James 1:19-20 (TNIV)

Do you ever dread returning a phone call because you know you will be tied up forever?

You know the type  the business associate who doesn't know when to stop, the friend who always has something to complain about, or the client who is never satisfied.

True story: Laurie was preparing for a major presentation to a large company and needed a supplier to rush a sample to her. The salesman heard the first two words out of Laurie's mouth and started talking non-stop until the battery on her cell phone died.

She got up from the desk in her hotel room, ran downstairs, waited until the valet drove her car around, found the charger, plugged it in, hooked up her cell phone, looked up the phone number, dialed, and was connected to the same salesperson, who answered his second line and was surprised to hear Laurie's voice. He thought she was still listening on his other line.

At least ten minutes had gone by as Laurie tried to re-connect with the man, and he hadn't even realized that the line had gone dead.

Our culture is so busy talking that we do not hear anybody but ourselves anymore.

Turn on talk radio. The hosts are too enamored with their own opinions to give anyone else a chance to say something. Watch news shows with guest experts. Each is so busy interrupting the other that the audience hears nothing more than a shout fest. Go to a town hall meeting these days. Attendees are heckling, jeering, yelling, chanting hateful slogans, and fighting.

No real listening is going on.

We cannot listen if we join the conversation with an agenda. We cannot listen if we are only thinking of what we have to say next and are looking for a way to force it into the conversation.

We cannot listen if we have all the answers so that we need not explore all the possibilities. We cannot listen if we have no regard or respect for the other people in the conversation.

We cannot listen if we have no intention of engaging in true debate. We cannot listen if we are wanting only to insist upon our own way rather than seeking the truth.

James says: Be quick to listen!

Active listening is humble. It is kind. It does not seek its own voice. It does not insist on its own agenda, but earnestly tries to understand the other person. It does not butt in or interrupt or yell over the speaker. It does not vilify or disdain or disrespect the other person.

Active listening allows the other person to have priority, asks clarifying questions in an attempt to truly understand his/her point, and respects his/her personhood even while disagreeing with his/her position.

Sadly, the true art of conversation and debate is dying in our culture. If we are to live the righteous life that God desires for us, we need to regain these valuable elements of human interaction. We must start with this: truly listening to others.

I have a phone call to make.